Last week I talked about home and what that is for a horse
and how we can create that feeling in those that we lead. This week I picked up
the book The Highly Sensitive Person. Well, my mother mailed it to me.
Um, thank you?? Really though, I needed to read it. She and I both know that I
fall into the highly sensitive person (hsp as the author calls it) category.
Blog post on the whole book later. Pages 60-61 have a passage on containers.
When I was talking about home last week, I was really talking about containers.
The author, Elaine Aron, Ph.D., writes that as a baby our most basic need was
to be “held and protected from overstimulation.” When a baby human or horse has
that security, they feel as though they can go and explore because there is
something safe to come back to. A container. A home. Whatever you want to call
it. We have physical containers in our lives such as buildings, places and
people, but we also have more abstract containers. These may include beliefs,
goals, or memories. In fact, these containers are more stable than the physical
ones. Losing a container may lead to feeling exposed and unstable.
An example. My little mare loses the container that is her
herd when I take her out of the pasture to work with her. She also loses a
place where she feels safe. However, now that we have built a relationship, I
also act as a container. Once inside the arena, that acts as a container. She
knows the place and feels safe there. When I take her off farm, all of her
usual containers are gone. Except me. This may be why she becomes so vehemently
attached when I am in a new place with her. She still feels at home as long as
she is tuned in to me.
I've spent a lot of time thinking about the relationships I want to build with horses. Was it best to be a leader or a partner? A parent or a friend? Nothing really fit, but I think 'container' does. Sometimes I am a leader, sometimes I am a partner. That isn't a lack of boundaries, it is the ability to see the emotional need.
I've spent a lot of time thinking about the relationships I want to build with horses. Was it best to be a leader or a partner? A parent or a friend? Nothing really fit, but I think 'container' does. Sometimes I am a leader, sometimes I am a partner. That isn't a lack of boundaries, it is the ability to see the emotional need.
The whole herd on an incredibly peaceful ride
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